Random fish float by

I'm not sure if Q hasn't been calling me because I mentioned my Phone Hangup (not that I hang up the phone, but that forced conversation on the phone to strangers annoys me) or because he's just not that into me, as the best-selling book title goes. Since I asked Q out on a date the other day, and he agreed to go to a movie with me tomorrow (Friday), there's been no communication, even by email. Is it kosher to ask him about this when we meet, or will it sound needy? Without the benefit of my Board of Advisors, who at this point are probably more bored than board, I'm going to guess the latter. I should try for once not to go to the bad place, which is where I ask for reassurance that someone is interested. Because that always winds up making me look -- not to mention feel -- needy. I DID learn something from The Philosopher after all.

Meanwhile, two other fish swam into my now very shallow waters. The first, R, a lawyer from my home state of Brooklyn, is a loving grandfather, but gave me pause when he said by email that I'm probably smarter than he is. We talked on the phone, and sure enough, IQ aside (and irrelevant), he was lovely but much too reminiscent of my hometown, a part of Brooklyn that I don't remember fondly. I don't think he felt much about it either, as he hasn't contacted me, letting me off the hook, so to speak.

Then S emailed me, handsome and tall in his photo, conveniently close by in locale, and retired from a semi-interesting job. Something was familiar about his face, so I inquired if we'd met before. Yes, we had, he figured about eight years ago. "Did I reject you, or did you reject me?" I wanted to ask, but it didn't seem polite. I think I agreed to lunch today just out of curiosity.

Sure enough, before we even made it through the restaurant door, I knew. Yes, as handsome and tall as the photo, smart and sweet, but something hard to place that just felt wrong. He has never been married or (I think) in a serious relationship, and I can see why. There is an awkwardness and disconnection that feels deeply rooted to me, and though I feel bad, it also makes it impossible to think of spending more time with him than the hour we were together at lunch. It was a pleasant hour, but I would have been just as happy to read The New York Times.

Actually I had more fun on the bus ride to Philly last weekend, where a gorgeous young woman named Yasmin sat next to me and asked me to talk to her because bus rides make her anxious. She turned out to be a teacher at a charter school in Los Angeles, and her dedication, passionate denunciations of California politics and school system, and all-around liveliness and intellectual curiosity made the tedious bus ride go like lightning, and left me wishing I could be a hot young bisexual instead of a doddering 60-something looking for a staid relationship with men like Q or R or S.

S was sweet, though, and it made me a bit sad that he obviously liked me. He claimed that I have a lovely speaking voice, which is news to me and probably to my students as well.

My subscription to Match expires today, and they actually seem to have processed the cancellation this time, so now it's down to Q alone. And if that fizzles...it's all me, I suppose. But, as they say in AA, one day (or date) at a time.