Action-less

The news about my newborn grandson has been good, while the action on Match has been ebbing. Right now I'm about to go visit my other children and grandchildren out of town for the weekend, so there will be no posts for a few days. I sent J, the Brooklyn movie-lover, a note telling him I'll be away and will get in touch next week -- no reply. And I reached out to a few new possibilities, but no response there either. Two of them looked vaguely familiar, which could mean that route has been traveled before to no avail.

But I've gotten interesting responses from others about my experiences with The Philosopher and The Adventurer (aka Letter-I, last post). Apparently I really blew it with The Philosopher, because I showed insecurity in my email -- by giving him, as one commentator put it, Too Much Information -- when I told him I "hadn't been sure he wanted to see me again" and so was pleased to hear from him. And then his lukewarm answer about "giving it another time or two" pressed my buttons, meaning dug at my fear of being in the one-down position of wanting what the guy doesn't. Voices of reason tell me that bringing up the topic is too much emotional pressure, too much sharing. Some men are reserved and don't want to be overwhelmed with a woman's need to be reassured. Plus I might have been so charming on Date #2 and #3 that he might have liked me better and I'd never have known about his doubts after Date #1. Or not. But that's the chance you take.

That makes sense, so I regret the way I handled it. My soft spots were showing like those slips women wore in the Fifties. As for The Adventurer, my good friend DK tells me it wouldn't have killed me to get my butt on one of those hikes that Letter-I likes to take, to give it the proverbial chance. And I agree, except...I just don't want to. It's not just my laziness and lack of time. Not only did Letter-I talk exclusively about himself, the usual turn-off (he was curious about me once, asking how much time I would have...for him), but he was just so clear that he had a strict agenda of his own, rigorous companionship in his daily travels.

So what do you want from this, if you're not going to give it a chance? asked DK reasonably. Good thing I have reasonable people in my life to ask me unanswerable rational questions. In the same way that I complain about the way this online dating process makes romance into work, complete with resumes and interviews, figuring out what I want in advance feels weird and unromantic. What DO I want? Love, liking, sex, company, pleasure, spontaneity, reliability....actually I'd take one or two of those. And it's truly amazing how difficult any of these desires is to fulfill.