Well, not really -- I just liked the title. But in fact V was not a total loss. I had thought little about it beforehand, so jaded have I become, but I enjoyed our little lunch. V is a very pleasant and unassuming fellow, a computer geek and professor who talks and laughs easily. He isn't a narcissist, though he clearly has had little connection with women and doesn't particularly care for children or even animals, which means he's unconnected to a big part of my life.
It's intriguing to me why I feel okay about seeing and even touching V, whereas Q was so unappealing. Is it because I'd given it all up and therefore little seems to be riding on it? There are no fantasies involved...I don't anticipate coupledom or great emotional needs fulfilled, just a casual relationship with a very nice man at best. As for the erotic part of it, on the surface, Q is probably more conventionally attractive than V, yet V fits with a certain type that often appeals to me, which you can call the sweet, modest nerd. This is a much older version of some of the semi-romantic heroes who appear in various teenage movies, though this is a new phenomenon: there weren't geeks as romantic heroes anywhere when I was young, unless you count Holden Caulfield as a kind of nerd.
Did I turn V's crank? The anwer is an unequivocal: oh, yeah. That was plain, though he was respectful about it, sneaking looks at relevant body parts rather than staring.
So I'm betting I will see V again when I come back from a much-needed vacation at the beach. And I may or may not tell you about it, those of you still attending. I thank you for listening all this time: it's not an exaggeration to say that you made my summer.