Replies Start Coming

So out of about 20 emails I sent, I did hear from the majority after all, though not the two or three I was most interested in, who were the best educated. One who replied "just started dating someone else", another finds me "interesting but not a match," a third says No because I'm too far away. One guy thinks I am probably a "fun individual" but says "a romantic connection is not likely". No explanation. He is sorry to have to tell me this, because he knows "this can hurt a little." Thanks, but I would have forgotten all about you if you hadn't gone out of your way to point out how romantically unattractive I am.

Selecting who to contact is the part I find most arduous. You're given almost no information in these profiles, besides a picture, a short statement, and a few facts and interests. Most men who are in the age range likely to respond to me (65-75) are not adorable to look at, and I can't help noticing that, pace evolutionary psychologists who claim women are genetically disposed to be less interested in looks compared to resources, the better-looking men of this age ask for younger women and rarely respond to me. Plus you're not supposed to judge the book by its cover and the man by his photo, or the psychotherapeutic police will punish you (a lot of P's in there)for being too neurotically picky (another P).

If the profile picture is not allowed as an index to the wonderful man he could be, the profile statements are almost all the same: everyone's funny (if not witty), everyone wants a companion with great values and has great values himself, everyone loves museums, music and dining out, everyone wants a travel companion, and so forth. Actually the best indicator is the list of facts: I look at 1)height -- here's my second indefensible prejudice -- I'm not attracted to men shorter than I am (though I've shrunk to 5'4" now, which helps), and the taller, the better 2)religion -- I can't take a devotee of any kind, but I'm trying to include "spiritual" as part of my broaden-the-scope policy, and 3)politics -- arrest me, psychotherapeutic police, but being intimate with someone on a daily basis who is way to the right of me (okay, even fairly to the right of me) is just beyond the pale (still another P word). Beyond these, it's all up for grabs; you have no way of knowing at all who these people are. I suppose you could see this as exciting if you're a glass-half-full type, but not being that, I find it exhausting. Still, there are a few who have replied who are sort of okay. More on that later.